


You Don't See Me

by Butsinceimetyou



Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol, Language, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butsinceimetyou/pseuds/Butsinceimetyou
Summary: A misunderstanding quickly twists into an abrupt and nasty fight that sends Sebastian and Blaine's entire relationship into a tailspin. After weeks of separation, will they ever be able to rebuild what they have? (Inspired by the song "Francis Forever" by Mitski).---It has been a mere three weeks since Blaine and Sebastian last spoke, but to the latter, it feels like an eternity. As Sebastian sits alone on his too-big couch, in his too-big apartment, half-drunk scotch in hand, he thinks back to a time when the place had felt smaller. Not small in a bad way, but cozy. The walls and all its workings had been filled with the warmth that radiated off their relationship, off their love. The apartment was a place they had built together, picking out furniture and decor together, engraving their shared lives into each square foot. It had been the first big step into their plans to build a life together.But now, with Blaine miles away, most likely sound asleep in Rachel and Jesse’s guest bedroom, Sebastian looks around at the same walls he’s lived within for over two years now and is unable to recognize the place he called home.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe, Mention of Rachel Berry/Jesse St. James
Comments: 41
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hoping to update this every Monday for the next few weeks—it's going to be a total of six chapters! Warning: This is definitely a fic for my angst, h/c lovers <3

_**I don't know what to do without you  
I don't know where to put my hands ** _

It has been a mere three weeks since Blaine and Sebastian last spoke, but to the latter, it feels like an eternity. As Sebastian sits alone on his too-big couch, in his too-big apartment, half-drunk scotch in hand, he thinks back to a time when the place had felt smaller. Not small in a bad way, but cozy. The walls and all its workings had been filled with the warmth that radiated off their relationship, off their love. The apartment was a place they had built together, picking out furniture and decor together, engraving their shared lives into each square foot. It had been the first big step into their plans to build a life together.

But now, with Blaine miles away, most likely sound asleep in Rachel and Jesse’s guest bedroom, Sebastian looks around at the same walls he’s lived within for over two years now and is unable to recognize the place he calls home. Taking another pull from his drink, he sets down his glass on the coffee table and lounges back further into the couch as he rolls his neck on his shoulders. His bones crack, a sure sign of stress caused by his sitting and sulking in the same seat for the past seven hours, a grumbling, "fuck," sounding from his lips.

It is well past 2 am, and he has long given up any chance of sleep, insomnia having consumed his nights exactly three weeks back. 

Three weeks ago, Blaine had stormed out, words Sebastian had never imagined hearing flying from his boyfriend’s mouth before the door slammed behind him. Too stunned to truly comprehend what had happened, he simply stood in the middle of their living room in a state of shock, unable to chase after the love of his life as the other man left the building.

The next day upon arriving home from the firm, Sebastian had expected to find Blaine back at the apartment either sulking or open with apologies, but instead, he found a note from Rachel on the kitchen counter.

 _He’s really upset. You better fix this. Love, Rachel._

Sebastian had assumed Blaine sent her to grab some of his things, noticing Blaine’s small suitcase missing from their closet. The note, which knowing Rachel was intended to convince Sebastian to rush to her place, to get down on his knees and grovel, only served to anger him. Blaine had just as much, or even more, to apologize for. Rachel obviously didn't know what had happened between them.

So, here he sits: bitter, drunk, and alone at the young age of 29, wondering how the hell a few slips of the tongue sent them into such ruin after so many years of being each other’s entire life. He picks up his drink and tosses back the rest of his scotch, abandoning the now empty glass on the side table beside the sofa and wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, Blaine’s voice running through his head, _Go get a napkin, you silly man,_ sending his heart into a terribly torn, overly beating frenzy.

"I don't need a fucking napkin," He scowls to the empty room around him.

Reaching over his head, stretching arms high until the bones crack, Sebastian lets out a deep, rasping sigh as he stands from the sofa and heads toward the kitchen. His stomach lets out an ill gurgling sound after his neglect to eat anything since he left for the office nearly 20 hours before, something he has not done since well back into college—and even then he was at least living off energy bars and iced coffee. Today, he had a granola bar on the morning subway and has drunk three glasses of scotch since arriving home. Blaine would be thoroughly disappointed.

Sebastian drags his feet through the apartment, slippers clomping across the hardwood floor in a way Blaine would hate, in a way he would never do if Blaine were here right now, as he heads to the freezer and swings open the door. There is little to eat—his boyfriend always the one to do the grocery shopping—but he manages to dig out a small bag of frozen broccoli and some microwavable sweet and sour chicken, which is honestly better than the canned chicken noodle he had eaten last night.

Three scotches on an empty stomach make him dizzy as he watches the microwave rotate his last-minute meal round and round, head pounding in time with his heavy heart. When the microwave beeps to a halt, Sebastian grumbles, extracting the food and portioning some into a bowl before packing up the leftovers in the fridge—at least he will have something for tomorrow night, too.

Sebastian grabs his food, a fork, and a glass of water, stumbling over to his and Blaine’s shared desk in the corner of the living room, the letter he had tried writing hours before tossed aside, the pen still uncapped, most likely dried up after hours of misuse.

His phone rests beside it, void of notifications aside from three missed calls from Rachel from earlier in the evening—her daily attempt at contacting him, at forcing him and Blaine to finally talk. Sometimes he almost answers, but that would be giving into Blaine’s idea that Sebastian’s the bad guy.

Which he kind of is, but they both are, so he refuses to take all of the blame.

He stabs his fork into the ceramic bowl, scooping up a piece of chicken and a bit of broccoli, biting into it and chewing as he glares down at his phone. Had it been Blaine that called and not Rachel, he would have answered, but just as he refuses to reach out, it seems his boyfriend refuses as well, leaving them in this seemingly endless limbo.

"Fucking ridiculous," he mumbles around a mouthful of broccoli, but he doesn't know if he's referring to himself or the man that ran out on him.

And it’s not like they have never fought before. In the seven years that they have been together, there have been plenty of fights, but never any that went on this long, never any that sent one of them rushing out of the apartment, not to be seen or heard from for weeks. Just thinking about it makes Sebastian feel physically ill. He forces down a few more bites of food, an attempt to soak up the scotch and settle his stomach before pushing the dish aside and taking a large gulp of water.

He’s still in his work clothes, sans jacket and tie, and his oxfords were traded for slippers as soon as he walked through the door, but otherwise, he is still clad in a now wrinkled button-up and a pair of grey slacks, once perfectly pressed but now rippling with waves worse than the shirt. He rests his elbows on the desk, dropping his head into his hands with a deep sigh, eyes burning from lack of sleep and not just tonight but for nearly a month now. He can never sleep without Blaine there beside him, without Blaine spooned close in his arms.

He wonders if Blaine’s gotten any sleep either.

Sebastian takes a deep breath, sitting up slowly and sliding the paper and pen from the side of the desk so that it rests in front of him. He cracks his knuckles and takes a deep breath before picking the pen back up and nervously tapping it against the wood top of the desk. He might not be willing to call Blaine, but that doesn’t mean he can’t write him a letter that he’ll never send, that he can’t write out everything he is feeling—apologize but ask for one in return, express his love but want it back just the same. He tells himself that is fair. He hopes that it is fair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone for reading! hope you like chapter two <3

_**I've been trying to lay my head down  
But I'm writing this at 3 am ** _

Thankfully it’s a Saturday the following day, otherwise a late night of booze and passing out seated at his desk until well past noon probably would not have gone over well with Sebastian’s boss at the firm. He lets out a struggling sigh as he blurrily blinks awake, a throbbing pain pinching in his temples as a nasty hangover starts to set in.

He sits up slowly to find the letter from the night before resting beneath his head with nothing more than “Dear Blaine,” written across the top (and scratched out because he wasn’t even sure about those words). The pen is still clenched in his fist from where he spent a good three hours drunkenly glaring at the page, unable to form words.

The sound of keys in the door startles Sebastian to stand, dropping the pen on the desk with a clatter. The pounding in his head makes him dizzy and a bit nauseous, so he places one hand on the desk to steady himself and runs the other through his hair as he lets out a nervous breath.

But instead of being met with his favorite head of dark curls and golden irises, Sebastian’s thumping heart slows to a stable beat when he comes face to face with a very different dark head of hair.

“Oh, it’s you.” He says flatly at the sight of Rachel entering the apartment, obviously stopping by after her weekly spin class, dressed in athletic leggings and a tank top under her unbuttoned coat.

Rachel raises a questioning brow as she takes in Sebastian’s mussed up hair, day-old work-wear, and the deep bags under his eyes, “Nice to see you, too,” She bites out sarcastically, fully entering the apartment and shutting the door forcefully behind her, “Blaine sent me to get some different clothes for him,” She huffs, holding up the duffle bag in her hand.

“Oh.” Sebastian’s heart drops. If Blaine’s needing more clothes, then he must not be planning on returning home anytime soon.

Not that he had much hope of that happening, but it still hurts to hear it. A confirmation that he never wanted.

“I told him I would do it, but I was mostly hoping I’d see you.” She says, one hand on her hip, mouth twisted into a firm line as she glances around the apartment before settling her pointed eyes back on him, “I figured you’d be here wasting away on a Saturday afternoon, considering he’s doing the same thing at my place.”

“Oh?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He really doesn’t want to hear how badly Blaine’s doing—the thought twists his chest up with guilt. Although, at the same time, it brings the smallest hint of comfort, knowing that even though Blaine is still upset, he probably misses Sebastian, too.

“'Oh?'," Rachel mocks, rolling her eyes, "Can you say anything else?” She huffs, dropping the bag and crossing her own arms, “Blaine’s been a mess for three weeks, and I really think it’s time you two worked this out. This whole situation is childish.”

He rolls his eyes in return, pinching the bridge of his nose as the thundering ache in his forehead starts to worsen, “I agree.”

Rachel’s eyes widen as she lets out a questioning humph, “So come over and apologize already,” She sighs, uncrossing her arms and throwing up her hands, “I don’t know what happened," She sighs, "He refuses to tell me, but just let go of your pride, and move on from it.”

Sebastian scoffs, giving Rachel an incredulous look, “You can tell him to come here and apologize to me first.”

“Sebastian,” She groans, letting out a long sigh.

“No,” He starts, turning his head away as a light pinprick of tears starts to tickle behind his eyes. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, pressing his fingers to his eyes— Sebastian refuses to cry in front of anyone, and especially Rachel Berry of all people, “You don’t know what _he_ said to me. He has just as much reason to apologize, and I refuse to take all the blame in this.”

Rachel shakes her head, “Don’t you think you’re being at least a little bit ridiculous about this?”

“Yeah, well it’s pretty obvious you have no idea what happened if you think I’m being ridiculous. Why don’t you go try and talk Blaine into coming here, hmm?” He sneers, picking up the mostly empty scotch bottle he had abandoned on the coffee table the night before and taking a swig.

Rachel frowns, “You think I didn’t try that first? He won’t listen to me. The whole first week he kept saying the same as you—that he wanted _you_ to apologize. Anymore, he says nothing, just stares out the window in silence.”

“Well, then I don’t know what to say,” He sighs, “I refuse to take the fall for all of this.” He chokes, clearing his throat, glaring at Rachel, “Now, can you just grab what you came for and go, please? I have some freezer-burned chicken to warm up and half an empty bottle of scotch calling my name,” He lifts the bottle still in hand in a mocking cheers motion.

Rachel ignores his words, unrelenting, “What did happen then?” She demands with a groan, “Explain it to me so I can understand. So I can help!”

“Please, Rachel, just leave,” Sebastian says in a rushed low whisper, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

Rachel softens then, biting the inside of her cheek before walking up to Sebastian slowly and gently reaching up to place a hand on the side of his face, “You two are better than this, you know.” She says. Sebastian softens a little in turn as he looks down at her, gentle tears slipping down his face. His eyes flutter as Rachel runs a soft thumb across his cheek, “Don’t let one fight ruin everything you have. People would kill to be as in love as you and Blaine are,” She gives him a wry smile, “I love Jesse with all my heart, but we don’t even have what you do.”

He says nothing, pointedly turning away from her as he lets out a sniffle.

Rachel nods to herself, dropping her hand and stepping back as slowly as she walked up, “All right, I’ll be quick,” She hums before grabbing the duffle bag from the floor and disappearing into their bedroom. Sebastian wonders for a moment what she’ll think when she finds the dusty, made up bed—he hasn’t slept in it once since Blaine left.

Once she’s out of sight, Sebastian wipes away the few stress-filled tears that manage to break free, flopping down on the couch with a gruff sigh. He checks his phone, finding where she had texted him about coming over, as well as a text from Hunter asking if he’s still moping. He groans, clearing his notifications and closing the screen. Nothing from Blaine—no surprise.

Looking back over at the desk, the letter stills rests, unwritten and mocking. He’s not sure that he’ll ever write it.

At this rate, he’s not even sure if Blaine will ever come back.

(Sebastian really wishes he would come back.)

He turns his head at the sound of Rachel stepping back into the room, pausing just beside the couch as their eyes meet. With bated breath, he waits for her to speak, hoping she won’t push him any further.

“I ordered you a barbeque chicken flatbread pizza and some kombucha from Postmates,” She smiles softly, “Please don’t eat that shitty chicken from the freezer, and definitely no more scotch, all right?” She sighs, resting a soft hand on his shoulder, biting her lower lip, “I know I’ve always been Blaine’s friend…but I care about you, too, you know? Please take care of yourself,” She says, voice slightly begging.

Sebastian forces a smile, “I’ll be fine, Rachel,” he sighs, “Just…tell him I love him, will you?”

She nods, giving him one last small smile, “Okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being a day late, but here is chapter 3, finally! I hope everyone likes it! feel free to leave comments <3

_**I don't need the world to see  
That I've been the best I can be, but ** _

It is nearing 10 am when Blaine finally finds the strength to slip out of bed, going through all the motions of starting his day automatically and mindlessly, stumbling to and from the bathroom for his daily routine before slipping into a pair of grey joggers and an old Dalton hoodie.

Sebastian’s Dalton hoodie, but he is trying not to think too much about that right now.

10 am is in no way late for a Saturday but considering he hadn’t slept a wink the night before, staring at the white ceiling of Rachel and Jesse’s guest bedroom for hours and hours, an early rise probably would have been a more productive take to his day.

But it is nearing 11 am by the time he exits the bedroom, shuffling down the hall to find Jesse sitting at the breakfast nook, drinking coffee and scrolling through his tablet, barely glancing up as Blaine enters the room.

After three weeks, he no longer fumbles through the cabinets in the kitchen, starting to learn this apartment as well as his own. He pours himself a bowl of cereal and oat milk, quietly settling down at the table across from Jesse who chooses that moment to finally notice his presence.

“I heard you come in late last night,” Jesse hums, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Rehearsal went long,” Blaine sighs, scooping out a spoonful of cereal, “Sorry if I woke you.”

He notices the way Jesses bites his lip as if there is something on the tip of his tongue, something he wants to tell Blaine. Blaine has been seeing that face a lot the past week, but just like every other time, Jesse shakes his head before looking back down at whatever he had been reading.

“You didn’t wake me,” Jesse grumbles after a moment, standing suddenly and placing his mug in the sink, “But you woke Rachel, and she had an early morning today,” He adds, his face tight, a fire in his eyes.

Blaine nods, softly, giving Jesse a guilty smile, “I’ll apologize when I see her this afternoon,” unsure of what else to say. He knows he has overstayed his welcome. Three weeks is a long time, and while Rachel is his best friend, he has been starting to feel like he has been taking advantage of her hospitality. Obviously, Jesse is feeling the same way.

Jesse doesn’t say anything else, giving Blaine a hard, calculating stare and a nod before heading down the hall to his office, a quiet slam echoing through the apartment when he shuts the door.

Blaine lets out a relieved sigh then, grateful Jesse didn’t kick him out right then and there. He would not have blamed him if he had. The other man had no idea why Blaine refused to go back to his own home, just that one day he got back from his own rehearsals to find Blaine crying in Rachel's arms on their living room couch, and after that his girlfriend's best friend became a fixture in their home. Hell, Rachel didn't even know why Blaine was so upset, other than it had to do with Sebastian—why else would he need somewhere to stay?

After washing and hand-drying the bowl and spoon he had used for his cereal—doing his very best not to inconvenience his hosts any further—Blaine takes up a seat in the living room, missing the terse, “See you later, Blaine,” that Jesse says to him before heading out for his Saturday rehearsal.

Blaine is lucky he doesn’t have weekend rehearsals. Last night’s had been brutal enough, one of the most strenuous Blaine’s had since being cast for his current show, and when he managed to drag himself back to Rachel and Jesse’s place, a throbbing headache blooming behind his eyes and a growling stomach hungry for food, all he really wanted was to flop down on the couch and do nothing.

And for Sebastian to bring him dinner and aspirin before gathering him up in his arms and pressing featherlight kisses to his temple. That’s all that Blaine wanted.

Instead, he tip-toed through the apartment, clutching his takeout in one hand and grabbing a glass of water in the other before slipping into the guest bedroom, climbing into bed, and eating his pad Thai while watching the tv on mute with captions.

And he definitely did not cry into his noodles while thinking about how much Sebastian would love this new restaurant he had gotten his dinner from.

Normally after a rehearsal like yesterday’s, and on a Saturday like today, Blaine would have been gently coaxed awake by Sebastian’s caring fingers. He would have received a soft massage to his shoulders, and a warm mug of coffee, and lots and lots of kisses. He would be bundled up in warm and safe arms while lazing on the couch and watching a movie—which normally turned into abandoning the movie as they rid each other of clothes and broke the other apart with pleasure.

But instead, like the last two Saturdays before it, Blaine awoke alone. No massage and no kisses, and a mug of tea that he made himself because he refuses to drink anymore of the cheap swill that Jesse and Rachel call coffee.

Sitting by the living room window for how long he does not know, his tea long gone cold in his hands, he watches the rainfall, small droplets hitting the glass and drip, drip, dripping down the pane. Hours before, as he still lay in bed, it had been sunny, the streets filled with light and laughter on this New York Saturday when all of a sudden dark grey clouds came in and it began to pour.

Blaine can’t help but feel it’s rather reminiscent of his life right now—his relationship. For so long he and Sebastian had sunny days, until all of a sudden—

The sound of the front door opening startles him out of his reverie, looking over his shoulder to find Rachel propping her umbrella up by the coat rack and slipping out of her now soaked gym shoes.

“It’s really coming down out there,” She shudders, giving him a weak smile before hurrying off to her room, most likely to change clothes. Blaine returns to his gazing out the window, sighing as he counts raindrops on the glass until they start to run together and he has to start over.

“Being a bit dramatic, aren’t we?” Rachel’s voice sounds from behind him, but there is a lilt to her voice like she’s trying for a joke, trying to make him smile. He merely hums, though, not moving an inch, only looking up when Rachel lets out a sigh and sits down on the bay window bench beside him.

“Blaine—”

“I’m sorry if I woke you up last night,” He says.

Rachel seems to start at that, furrowing her brow before shaking her head, “Did Jesse tell you that? Don’t worry about it. I fell right back to sleep,” She smiles softly for a moment before her lips downturn, “Listen, about Sebastian—"

“Did you see him?” He asks, quietly, looking down at his lap as he tugs the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands, “Was he there?”

Rachel’s quiet at first, too quiet that Blaine looks up at her, cocking his head as he waits for her to finally speak. When she does, she sighs, “Yeah, he…he’s not good, Blaine.”

Blaine chews on the inside of his cheek, guilt swimming into his heart as he gives her a small nod and humming, “Hmm.” It’s what he expected but it hurts to hear it. To know that Sebastian is suffering as much or more than he is.

Rachel huffs, “I tried to get him to come over here and talk to you, but…”

Blaine swallows hard, “But?”

“He said he isn’t the only one that needs to apologize.”

The creeping of tears starts to prickle at his eyes as he looks back out the window. The rain has started to pick up, just as the beating of his heart has. For a short while, he had been complaining that Sebastian needed to apologize to him, but as he became less angry and more tired, Blaine started to realize that isn't necessarily the case. This past week more than ever, as he thought back at all that transpired, he realized he is the one at fault.

Blaine nods shakily then, taking a shuddering breath, “He’s right about that…I,” He groans, shifting on the bench so he’s fully facing Rachel, “I have more to apologize for if I’m honest.”

Rachel's eyes soften, frowning as she reaches out for his hand, “So why don’t you go over there, honey? Talk to him.”

Blaine pulls his hand back from her, shaking his head, “It’s more complicated than that, Rach,” he groans, tears starting to slip down his cheeks as he avoids meeting her eyes, “I don’t even know what I would say to him," He admits, voice cracking, "I was so awful to him."

“Blaine—”

“Look, I know I’ve overstayed my welcome,” He admits, taking another deep breath as the feeling of sobs starts to suspiciously creep up his throat, “I’ll see if I can stay with Sam or something.”

Rachel shakes her head at that, confusion pinching between her brows, “B, I don’t care if you live here forever, and neither does Jesse.”

Blaine blinks, wiping away a few tears as they continue to fall, “I think Jesse cares a little," He sighs softly, "He glared at me over my cereal this morning.”

Rachel lets out a sad sort of laugh, “Ignore him. I’ll deal with him.” She says with a roll of her eyes, “The point is, I just want you to be happy, and you have never been happier than when you are with Sebastian. And vice versa. You two are like the poster board for crazy in love. You need to talk to him.”

Blaine chokes then, sobs breaking free as he stumbles over his words, “I really miss him, Rach,”

Rachel opens her arms, holding Blaine tight as he falls into them, crying into her shoulder, “I know, sweetie. I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who has been reading so far! there are just two more chapters after this, and they will be twice the length of the first four.

_**I don't think I could stand to be  
Where you don't see me ** _

The weight of his upcoming opening night hits Blaine full force during rehearsal Monday morning.

He isn’t nervous to start up on that stage in less than two weeks—no, he has his monologues, dance moves, and vocal runs all down to perfection, and this isn’t his first show, not by a long shot. Blaine has been performing since he could walk and has been on Broadway since he was 22 years old. What has his mind a million miles away and his feet tripping as the company runs through one of the easiest numbers in the show is the thought that Sebastian might not be there.

In seven years, Sebastian has never missed a single one of Blaine’s opening nights—he’s never missed his opening _week_ , actually, booking out his evenings for six nights in a row just to see Blaine perform (even in his first production where he had just one line), sometimes going so far as attending the Sunday matinee if the understudy wasn’t playing the part.

The tickets have been clipped to the fridge since long before they ended up in this mess, but he isn’t quite sure that his boyfriend will want to come when they aren’t currently on speaking terms (Also, is he still his boyfriend? But, god, Blaine can’t think about that right now or he might start crying in front of the entire production cast, crew, and staff).

Like, _Oh, hey, I can’t stand to look you in the eyes but congratulations, see you when you come to pack up more of your stuff and move out._

He wants to scream.

Instead, Blaine just trips, falling hard to the stage and landing flat on his back, a thrumming ache shooting through every inch of his backside.

He lies there for a moment too long, other actors running to his aid and helping him up as the director, Josh, lets out a sigh, raising his voice to the theatre house, “Let’s take five, people. Get some water; go to the bathroom; you know the drill,” before lowering it and pointing to Blaine, “Blaine, can you come over here for a sec.”

Blaine gives a shaky nod, slowly walking to the edge of the stage where the director stands with his hands on his hips, rolling his shoulders and trying to ignore the soreness caused by his tumble, “Josh, I’m sorry about that. Got lost in my head for a minute there,” He sighs, running a hand down his lower back where it aches the most, “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Josh is quiet, nodding softly before giving Blaine a tight smile, “You’ve been lost in your head for a few weeks now,” He says softly, but not disappointed. He sounds concerned, “And I never said anything because up until today, it hadn’t affected your performing but…is everything all right?”

Blaine pauses, chewing on the inside of his cheek, _Well, other than my boyfriend of seven-plus years and me being on the outs for the past three weeks, everything is peachy,_ “Just some stuff at home,” he says with a tight smile of his own and a wave of his hand, “As I said, it won’t get in the way, again. I swear.”

“I know, I know, I just mean…if you need anyone to talk to or anything, the theatre has a psychiatrist on call or you can even talk to me, just don’t let stuff eat you up all right? We all care about the show here, but we care about our performers more.”

Blaine gives Josh a shaky nod, biting back words, afraid his voice might crack because up until today he had thought he had been putting on a pretty good brave face through all of this. Sure, when he’s at Rachel’s he finds himself crying more often than not, but when he is at work, he is there to _work_.

But he should have known better—he should have known Sebastian and the hold he has on him would always follow him wherever he goes. That's what happens when you're completely in love with someone.

“Thanks, Josh, I’ll let you know if I ever…” He trails off, giving the director one last smile and a nod.

“Good. Go ahead and sit out the next rep since I didn’t give you much of a break, okay? You’ve gotta be feeling pretty sore right now.”

“Actually, I think I’m just gonna jump back in if that’s okay?” He sighs. Sitting out will just leave him without distraction. Blaine knows he will end up more lost than he was before.

“Suit yourself,” Josh says with one final smile before addressing the room once again with a clap of his hands, “All right people, let’s run it again.”

* * *

A few hours later finds Blaine slipping the spare key to Rachel’s apartment into the lock, his messenger slung over his shoulder and a lukewarm coffee clutched in his other hand. His back is still sore and he can feel the pinching of a headache starting to form as he makes his way inside, fully intent on taking a warm shower and ordering delivery for dinner.

“How was rehearsal?” Rachel asks from where she and Jesse are cuddled up on the couch reading from some sort of magazine, glancing over her shoulder at him with a welcoming smile.

He’s really going to owe her after this all ends—however it ends. Being calm and collected, and so selfless, isn’t really Rachel Berry’s forte but she has done nothing but play it well for her friend in need. Blaine has been kind of amazed by it.

“It was fine,” He says with a poor smile as he hangs his bag up on the coat rack, “Should be all ready for opening night,” he adds before heading into the kitchen to clean out his travel mug.

Rachel beams, standing from the couch and following him, “Oh, right, that’s coming up soon, isn’t it? How exciting!” She says with a clap of her hands, “We’ll be there front row, Blaine,” She says with an enthusiastic nod of her head.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s gonna be great,” He says with a tightlipped smile as he places the cleaned mug into the drying rack.

“Are you not excited?” Rachel interrupts with a downturn to her lips, eyes softening as she reaches out to place a gentle hand on his elbow.

“Oh, I am, sure, of course, I am,” He insists, but his voice is too shaky and his smile too forced, leaving him under the gaze of a set of very unimpressed brown eyes. Blaine clears his throat, frowning, “It’s just…do you think he’ll still come?”

“Of course he will,” Rachel says with no hesitation.

“I’m just worried that—”

She raises a hand to stop him, shaking her head, “Blaine, whatever this is that’s going on between you two—which you still refuse to tell me, _mister_ —it’s gonna pass.”

He scrubs a stressed hand over his face, “I hope so,” He groans, “But, opening night is in two weeks, and I just don’t know if we’ll…”

“He’ll be there, Blaine. Sebastian loves you. No matter if he’s mad at you or not.” And her words are confident, the squeeze to his arm comforting, but he still can’t ignore the churning fear that bubbles up in his stomach.

“Hmm, I guess.” He sighs, running a nervous hand through his curls.

They are quiet for a moment, the only noise coming from the quiet of the TV where Jesse must have turned it on in the living room and the sounds of the city outside the window.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk,” Blaine sighs, waiting for Rachel to protest, to convince him to sit and watch a movie with her and Jesse, or to help her make something up for dinner.

But she surprises him by simply nodding and giving him a small, sympathetic smile, “The sun’s supposed to set in about an hour.”

“That’s plenty of time. I just wanna clear my head,” He tells her, pulling away and backing out of the kitchen, "Thank you, Rach."

Rachel nods, standing alone in the kitchen until the sound of the apartment door closing sounds through the walls, “What am I gonna do with those two,” she groans, crossing her arms and heading back into the living room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter only sort of follows the lyrics because I felt that it was more fitting for everything to take place in the evening/night than under the sun. Also, apologies for posting this so late. Everything italicized is a flashback! 
> 
> Feel free to leave comments, kudos, hate mail, etc. *u*

_**On sunny days I go out walking  
I end up on a tree-lined street ** _

A chill climbs up Sebastian’s spine as he settles down on the park bench, the cool metal surface covered in leftover ice from the snow just days before. The sun has already started to set, the street lamps flickering on all around the city as Manhattan transitions from day to night. And, while it may not be the best time to be out and about, he can’t really stand to sit inside his apartment alone for yet another night.

He’s dressed in his warmest pea coat, buttoned up over his Monday workwear, but the cold is still biting over his scarf-less neck. Blaine was always having to chase him out of the apartment because he forgot his scarf.

With a leather-gloved hand, he extracts a black velveteen box from his coat pocket, flipping it open to look at the silver ring snug down inside. He runs his thumb over the metal, a light engraving of vines, only seen at the correct angle weaving around the middle of the band. It's the first day since the fight that he managed to take it out of his bedside table, to look at it for longer than a few seconds.

Slowly, Sebastian pulls his left glove off and slips it down into his coat pocket, giving the ring one last glance before pulling it out of its box. He sets the box aside on a small part of the bench untouched by the ice or snow, holding the ring carefully in his still gloved right hand.

He has never been attached to jewelry, has never even worn a simple chain or a bracelet. The watch his grandfather had given him years ago is the only accessory he wears each day, but as he twists and turns the ring in the fading light of the setting sun, Sebastian realizes he has never wanted to wear something more, gently slipping the band onto his left ring finger.

It looks nice there as if it should be there forever.

That’s when he feels the tears start to fall.

_“What are you so upset about?” Sebastian asks carefully, brows pinched in confusion after the very silent taxi ride they just had home._

_He closes the door behind him and follows Blaine into their shared apartment, watching his boyfriend carefully while slipping out of his coat and hanging it up on the rack. Blaine, still dressed and ready for the cold weather, paces back and forth in front of their living room couch, face twisted up in annoyance._

_“Nothing,” He mumbles, biting his lip and crossing his arms as he stops, turning to Sebastian and finally looking at him for the first time since they left Sebastian’s office holiday party._

_“Well, obviously it’s something since you nearly burned a hole into our carpet with your pacing just now,” Sebastian teases, stepping forward with a smirk and holding out a gentle hand._

_A hand Blaine quickly pulls away from with a shake of his head, “It’s that guy,” he grumbles before going silent and shuffling over to their drink cart, tugging open a bottle of vodka and pouring a glass—leaving Sebastian standing awkwardly confused in the middle of their living room._

_Sebastian runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep exhale as he looks up at his boyfriend standing tense and cross and sipping a glass of straight alcohol (something Blaine never does) on the other side of the room, “What guy, Blaine?” They rarely have serious fights, nothing beyond small arguments in all the years they have been together—and Blaine rarely gets angry, especially at his boyfriend. Sebastian can’t fathom what,_ or who _could have spurred these emotions out of him._

_Blaine looks at him a moment too long, eyes darting across Sebastian’s face as if he is searching for something before finally biting out a jealous, “Jack something-or-other, the guy from billing. The one with the ridiculous bleached hair.”_

_Which is a confusing response for Sebastian whose eyebrows shoot up in surprise, because in all his months at the new firm, he thinks he has spoken to Jack maybe five times, “Jack Nelson?” He asks, carefully crossing his own arms as he tries to think back to their short, stilted conversation with the other man back at the party._

_He had introduced Blaine, as he did with the rest of his coworkers, but that was all—just the usual pleasantries. He couldn’t think of anything Jack could have said that would be so upsetting to his boyfriend, “That man is horribly boring, I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t be so mad about it,” Sebastian says with a chuckle, trying another attempt at stepping closer to Blaine._

_If he can just reel Blaine in, pepper him with comforting kisses and get him out of his coat, this whole thing, whatever it is, will pass and their night will be well on its way back to normal._

_Blaine, however, doesn’t flinch, his usual soft honey eyes piercing as his hand tightens around the highball glass. If possible, Sebastian thinks they could have turned green with what his boyfriend says next, “You were flirting with him.”_

_“I was not,” Sebastian says with a stunned laugh, playfully rolling his eyes and shaking his head, “I wouldn’t flirt with Jack Nelson if he and I were the last men on Earth.”_

_Which is evidently the wrong thing to say as Blaine tosses back the rest of his drink, eyes watering slightly as he lets out a few coughs, slamming the glass down on a tray before turning his glare back to his boyfriend, “He was practically sucking your neck.”_

_And god, Sebastian cannot keep up with this conversation. How did they go from having a pleasant, albeit decidedly dull evening at the office holiday party to fighting over a colleague he barely speaks to, “Uh, when exactly did this happen? I think I’d remember a drooling, pasty idiot attached to my neck, babe.”_

_But Blaine doesn’t stop, rolling his eyes so high, the watery sheen to them turns into more than just a reaction to a drink gone wrong. He looks near tears as he crosses his arms once more, stuttering a hurt, “At the bar—you were together at the bar.”_

_Sebastian could not be more confused, reaching out, this time succeeding in placing a gentle hand on either side of Blaine’s hips, “He stood next to me for about two seconds—getting a drink for himself, just as I was. I wouldn’t really call that sucking my neck, baby,” He says hushed, moving in for what he hopes to be a comforting kiss._

_But Blaine shakes him off, turning away, “He was all over you!”_

_“He was not,” Sebastian sighs, trying his best not to get angry in his own right. He tends to be biting, hurtful in a sparing of words, and he promised long ago to never let that happen with his Blaine, “Where is this all coming from?”_

_“Are you kidding?” Blaine cries, tears starting to slip down his cheeks as he fully pulls away from Sebastian, running a gloved hand over his face, “I’m not stupid. I know how it goes—we’ve been together so long, and all of a sudden, you-you're bored of me.”_

_Sebastian feels the air leave his chest at the accusation. He has never been anything less than enamored with Blaine, and until this very moment, he had been led to believe Blaine understood that, that Blaine felt the same way about him. Sebastian pulls his hands away from Blaine’s waist, arms going down straight to his sides, “Bored of you? When did I ever give any indication of that?”_

_“Oh, please, Sebastian,” Blaine says, rolling his tearful eyes. The sight makes Sebastian dizzy with anger, fists clenching._

_It seems he’s going to break his own promise, “Did I seem bored when your dick was in my ass last night?” Sebastian bites, brows furrowed as he takes a step back. He thought he could stay calm through whatever this is, but for Blaine to think him anything less than completely devoted to him is like a cold fist to Sebastian’s heart._

_“Stop—" Blaine gasps, shaking his head as he continues to cry quietly._

_"_ _You know, this is rich coming from you, Blaine,” Sebastian starts, jabbing a pointed finger in Blaine’s heartbroken face, “as if you and Kurt weren’t practically climbing into each other’s laps at trivia night last week.”_

_“Kurt is my friend,” Blaine defends softly._

_“Please, he practically swoons whenever he sees you,” Sebastian says, voice heightening with each word, “Like you’re fucking Prince Charming or something.”_

_“He’s married to Adam, for god’s sake.” Blaine shoots back, “We were over for a long time before you and I even got together." Sebastian knows that. He also knows Blaine would never look twice at Kurt Hummel, not as anything more than a friend, at least, but he is hurt and upset, and he can't help but be defensive._

_“As if that matters,” Sebastian mutters, crossing his arms around his middle as he rolls his eyes._

_Blaine is quiet, the two men breathing hard in silence until finally, he utters a soft, “What does that mean?”_

_Sebastian scowls, not even thinking as he says in a rush, “It means marriage is a bunch of bullshit. They’ll probably get divorced any day now,” rolling his eyes again as he tightens his arms around himself._

_“You don’t know that,” Blaine argues, wiping tears away and letting out a small sniffle as he straightens up his shoulders, eyes wide._

_“Whatever,” Sebastian scoffs, pointedly looking away. He is wound up now, unable to see the deeper heartbreak that settles further into Blaine's eyes._

_“…Do you really think that?” Blaine asks—no malice, just curiosity and melancholy as if he is afraid of what the answer will be._

_“I mean if Adam knows what’s good for him…” Sebastian mumbles, still avoiding Blaine’s gaze._

_“No, not—not Kurt.” Blaine shakes his head, a fresh wave of tears welling up, “You think…you think marriage is bullshit?”_

_Sebastian barely takes a pause, blood still boiling with annoyance after Blaine threw a myriad of ridiculous words in his face, “Considering how well it worked out for my parents, I’d say so,” Sebastian retorts, finally looking up with a glare of his own, lost in the heat of what’s happened. He can barely remember how this all started._

_“But what about…” Blaine starts quietly, “…what—what about,” He sniffles, obvious sobs clawing up his throat, forcing his shoulders to heave._

_Sebastian throws up his hands, “Fuck, Blaine, what about what?”_

_“What about us?”_

Leaning forward, Sebastian throws his tear-streaked face down into his hands, one cheek cradled by the warm leather of his glove, the other shivering cold by the touch of the cool band nestled quietly on his finger. The memory of that day has been spinning through his head on loop for all these weeks—their first big fight.

And possibly their last.

He isn’t meant to wear this ring. He doesn’t deserve it. Blaine didn’t want him to have it—at least not in that way. Not anymore. So with tears drip, drip, dripping down onto his coat, Sebastian sits back up, taking a deep breath in and releasing a shuddering exhale before slipping the ring off his finger and back into its box.

He isn’t sure what to do with it now, what to do about anything anymore. But he knows that he’s tired. He knows he needs Blaine.

He just hopes Blaine needs him, too.

  
_**I look up at the gaps of sunlight  
I miss you more than anything ** _

Blaine isn’t surprised when he finds himself mindlessly taking the train back toward his apartment with Sebastian. The weeks have been long. The silence deafening. And while he isn’t quite ready to step back into the place they have shared as a home for over two years, he wants to be close.

The sun is well past set as he strolls through the small park, and he knows Rachel will be texting him any moment to ask when he’ll be back, worried about him being out in the dark city alone.

Families have long gone home, leaving snowmen and snow angels in their wake, only a few wanderers like himself left walking the freshly salted pathways, just a few cracks of boots through snow and the rustling of trees in the wind to soundtrack the night.

He and Sebastian came to this park with a picnic the day they got the keys to their place, and so many days after that, too. Endless afternoons spent rolled out on the grass reading books, eating sandwiches, and exchanging light kisses.

Sometimes not so light on Sebastian’s part, which always earned him a poke in the ribs because, “There are children here, silly.”

So much time spent that Blaine is now throwing away, they both are, by staying stuck in this fight. He wants to apologize—needs to, because, at the root of it all, Blaine feels it is his fault, a shudder running through him at the memories that lead up to this pain that they are enveloped in.

He shudders at the realization that he is walking through a frozen park alone when he could be bundled up on the couch and wrapped in Sebastian’s strong arms, instead.

Had he not listened to Kurt, had he trusted what his heart has always known to be true, none of this would have ever happened.

_It is their bi-monthly lunch meet-up, a Sunday afternoon spent gabbing over takeout which they take turns picking up as insurance that no matter how wild their lives get, they will always stay close._

_“So, you got the ring?” Tina asks, eyes bright as she leans in close to Blaine from her seat beside him on his and Sebastian’s living room sofa, whispering the words so only Blaine and Rachel can hear._

_Blaine chuckles, rolling his eyes as he lifts his coffee from its coaster to take a small sip, “Yes, Tina, and you don’t have to whisper. Sebastian is out with Hunter all afternoon, he isn’t going to know.”_

_“Well, then let us see it then, mister,” Rachel insists, giggling and clapping her hands excitedly,_

_“See what?” Questions a new voice as Kurt steps into the apartment, takeout bags in hand._

_Everyone expresses hellos and the usual pleasantries as Kurt joins the group, passing out containers of salad and soups from the café down the block, the topic nearly lost until Kurt asks again, “So, what did I almost miss? What is it that we need to see?”_

_Blaine bites his lip. He and Kurt have only rekindled their friendship within the past few years—something that Sebastian was begrudging to accept, but his boyfriend, always much kinder and understanding than he likes to let on, has never complained, keeping the sly comments at a minimum whenever their groups get together._

_Kurt on the flip side_ mostly _keeps himself in check, glares at an all-time low whenever Sebastian kisses Blaine in front of him, and the snarky remarks about CW hair all but gone._

_But something in Blaine’s gut still makes him hesitate to tell Kurt just what he has planned, he just isn’t sure what—evidently Tina doesn’t have the same concerns._

_“Blaine’s going to propose to Sebastian!” She squeals, slightly jumping out of her seat with a salad fork in hand._

_“Oh,” Kurt responds softly, eyes wide with surprise, “That’s, well, that’s great, Blaine,” He says with a tight smile, “So, am I to assume it was the ring that we were going to see?”_

_Blaine shrugs with a shy smile, “You don’t have to—it’s in the other room, and—”_

_“Go get it, B! We want to see,” Rachel grins, “It’s not every day the most romantic guy on Earth finally gets married. This is a big deal!”_

_“All right, all right,” He chuckles, standing from the couch to go grab the ring, “But I’m not married yet. He has to say yes first.”_

_When he returns and opens the box, he receives three voices of awe, the ring designed just to his specifications._

_“I think it’s gorgeous, Blaine,” Tina sighs, Rachel, nodding in agreement, "You sure you don't want to ask me instead?" she teases._

_"It’s stunning, Blaine, truly,” Kurt adds, that same tight smile gracing his lips. It settles a weird feeling in Blaine’s chest._

_“But?” He asks, giving Kurt a questioning look. There must be something wrong with the ring, that’s what Blaine assumes._

_The other man refuses with an unconvincing shake of his head, “No, buts. It’s perfect.”_

_“You look like you sucked on a lemon, Kurt,” Rachel sasses, Tina giggling at the other end of the couch, “Just tell us."_

_Blaine frowns, nodding in agreement with Rachel, “You’re the fashion expert—you can tell me. What’s wrong with it? I need it to be just right.”_

_“There’s nothing wrong with the ring, Blaine,” Kurt sighs, crossing his arms._

_Kurt’s words make Blaine pause, “… then what_ is _wrong?”_

_“It’s just…are you sure about this?”_

Blaine had been so excited that day, so proud to show off the beautiful ring he had bought—had hoped to share the plans he had for the proposal, how excited he was for Sebastian to say yes. Because there had been no doubt in his heart that Sebastian would say yes.

And then Kurt started talking, striking fears into his mind that had never been there, _Marriage is a lot, Blaine. Everything changes, Blaine. I love Adam, but even we struggle sometimes. You remember how Sebastian used to be. It’ll all come back if you’re married. Do you really want to risk spending your life with someone who could break that vow?_

He had argued then, had told Kurt he was wrong, that Sebastian had long since changed and loved him whole-heartedly, that there wasn’t a risk because there was no one more perfect for him than the man he has now. Tina and Rachel had even backed him, leaving Kurt bristling when he left their lunch that afternoon.

But despite his retaliation, the night when everything blew up in their faces, he allowed Kurt to get into his head. The sound of _Do you really want to risk spending your life with someone who could break that vow?_ running through his thoughts as he watched Jack Nelson very innocently stand beside Sebastian to order a beer.

Blaine was the one who broke a vow, dismissing their long time promise, to be honest with each other no matter the cost. But, as he stops suddenly during his stroll, he takes in the sight of a very familiar man with light brown hair crying alone under the dusk just a few feet ahead of him, and Blaine believes for the first time in weeks that maybe he can fix this.

He at least needs to try.

_“Where are you going?” Sebastian groans, following close behind Blaine as he stumbles into their bedroom, watching with a pinched brow as Blaine digs through his sock drawer, “What are you doing? What are you looking for?”_

_Blaine had never imagined this. The day he bought the ring, he had envisioned giving it to Sebastian in a garden of icicle clad trees, snow blanketing around them at their favorite place. He imagined Sebastian biting back tears of joy as he rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s ridiculous attempts at romance before kissing him with a hushed and promising, “yes.”_

_But instead, there’s a headache blooming behind Blaine’s brow, and Sebastian is impatiently standing beside him with fury in his eyes. Blaine’s heart is beating so fast he can hear it in his ears, and he can barely get past the repeated thought that he needs to get out._

_Blaine has never felt this angry, this upset, this utterly broken. He is operating on autopilot, his movements and words mindless because he just needs Sebastian to hurt the way he is right now._

_He isn’t sure what he has turned into._

_Blaine turns to Sebastian finally, tears streaming hot and fast down his cheeks, something clutched tightly in his hand—a velveteen box, the fabric a sheen black, the latch a glimmering gold. The same one he had shown to his friends just a week before._

_He walks up to his boyfriend, slow and serious, a tight twist to his mouth and anger blazing in his eyes, “If that’s really how you feel—if you really think marriage is such bullshit, then you can take this,” He bites out, shoving the box into Sebastian’s hand, chest heaving and voice raising, “Because I don’t want it anymore.”_

_His voice cracks on the final word and ever quick on his feet, Blaine is a Broadway talent, after all, he hurries around Sebastian’s stunned, wide-eyed form, making his way down the hall and right to the door, never breaking to look back at the man he may very well be just giving up forever._

_The man who was supposed to be his forever._

_Nothing has ever hurt more than hearing the choked, watery sound of Sebastian calling his name as he stomps out of their apartment, yelling back a trepid and forced “fuck you,” as the door slams behind him._

Blaine takes careful, quiet steps as he approaches the other man, his heart thudding in his ears as he takes deep but quiet breaths.

He hadn't planned on seeing Sebastian today, had thought he would have time to prepare for their reunion, but he decides not to waste an opportunity that's been handed to him. He wants to make things right. He _needs_ to.

Sebastian is looking down at something in his hands, oblivious to Blaine just feet away. Whatever he is holding looks suspiciously like a ring box, and Blaine can’t stop the way his heart clenches.

Because why else would Sebastian be at _their_ park alone and crying unless it was about him, about all of this.

Blaine put those tears there, just as he caused the ones that start to prickle the back of his own eyes the moment Sebastian looks up, mouth gaping in shock at the man before him.

Sebastian lets out a slow, trembling breath, fog clouding out from his lips from the winter air, “B—Blaine?”

“Hey, baby,” Blaine says, so, so softly as his own tears start to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andddd that's it! here's the final chapter, folks! hope you like it! thank you to everyone for reading. it means so much to me! <333 feel free to leave comments whether you like it, love it, hate it! I love feedback <3

_**I don't need the world to see  
That I've been the best I can be, but   
I don't think I could stand to be   
Where you don't see me ** _

They stare at each other for a long time, tears falling down cold cheeks. Blaine’s hands are stuffed deep in his coat pockets, and Sebastian is now clutching the ring box tightly in both of his.

“I—” both men start before letting out hushed, watery laughs and looking down, both faces blooming pink. Each man looks up after a beat, and Blaine bites his lip before letting out a deep exhale.

“I’m so sorry, Sebastian,” He says, barely above a whisper, but despite the lowness, his voice is filled with conviction, “I know you might not believe me, but it’s true,” He starts sniffling between every few words, “I never meant—”

“Me neither,” Sebastian interrupts with a jerky nod and a few sniffles of his own, “I didn’t mean all that stuff that I said, I—god, I love you, Blaine.”

Blaine nods, taking just a step closer, “I know you do,” He crumbles, eyes closing tight as more tears threaten to fall, “I’m sorry if I ever made you believe I thought otherwise.”

But Sebastian doesn’t miss the way Blaine doesn’t say it back. There’s no, “I love you, too,” and while he is probably reading too much into it, after all these weeks alone, he isn’t sure what to think anymore.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Sebastian’s own tears are far from subsiding as he gives a shake to his head. He doesn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected to see Blaine any time soon, let alone in the midst of his break down in the middle of a freezing park. He had come out here hoping to get some reprieve, to find some calm in all the chaos, but instead, here he is trying not to sob in front of the love of his life.

Part of him wants to scream at Blaine and tell him every way he hurt him, but mostly he just wants to kiss away Blaine's tears.

Blaine on the other hand believes he deserves to be screamed at, but he knows that isn’t what Sebastian needs right now. He wants to hug him, to hold him, but he holds off as Sebastian takes a shuddering breath.

“I just don’t understand why,” Sebastian finally stutters out, shrugging his shoulders and giving Blaine an intense stare. He doesn’t want to talk about it, would rather they just head home right now and act as if the past weeks never happened, but he knows if they don’t, it could all happen again.

He never wants this to happen again.

“You—you said I was bored of you,” Sebastian says hushed and unbelieving, “Why did you think that?”

Blaine pauses, heart flooding with shame at the question. How do you tell your love of seven years that one little conversation set you off? That a couple of words was all it took to lose all the hope and trust that you both had built up long ago. Blaine is too embarrassed to admit, to scared of hurting Sebastian further, but he knows too that they can’t have secrets, “I—I told Tina and Rachel and…and Kurt about the ring,” He starts, glancing down at the box still clutched in Sebastian’s hands, “and well, Kurt—”

“God, of course, it was Kurt,” Sebastian says with a deep exhale. He doesn’t feel angry but he certainly feels defeated, stunning Blaine into silence as sobs start to wrack through Sebastian’s thin frame.

In seven years, the only time Blaine has ever seen Sebastian cry anywhere close to like this was when his father’s assistant called to tell him he wouldn’t be coming to his college graduation, just hours before the ceremony. But even then, this is far worse.

With a shuddering breath and his own tears clouding his vision, Blaine stumbles over to the park bench, slowly settling down beside his distraught boyfriend, carefully reaching out to tip up Sebastian’s chin so their eyes can meet.

Sea-green irises stare back at him, waterfalls cascading from their depths, rims red from both the tears and the cold as the sobs only heighten at Blaine’s touch.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Blaine whispers, similar sobs starting to wrack through his own body as carefully slips one arm behind the taller man’s back before they quickly fall into each other, wrapped up into one, “I was stupid. I shouldn’t have listened to him,” He hushes into Sebastian’s hair, “I love you more than anything.”

And Sebastian lets the words wash over him like warm rain, lets Blaine's apologies, admittance, and love comfort him in a way he has needed for so long now. They both have needed this.

It’s some time before the two start to settle, before either of their breathing comes back, heads tucked close into each other’s necks. The ring has long since been discarded back into Sebastian’s coat pocket so he can roughly cling to the back of Blaine’s coat. Blaine parroting the action, both too scared of ever letting the other go.

Blaine is used to letting his emotions run rampant, but this is new territory for Sebastian, and as he pulls back to meet his estranged boyfriend’s eyes, he feels overwhelmed with exhaustion, “He’s always going to get between us, isn’t he?” Sebastian sighs, running a tired hand through his hair.

“No, never again,” Blaine insists, gently wiping away Sebastian’s tears with a gloved thumb, “I probably shouldn’t hang around him anymore.”

Sebastian sniffles, “Your words, not mine.”

“I won’t let anyone get between us ever again,” Blaine swears, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Sebastian’s cold cheek, “Least of all Kurt Hummel,” He says with a roll of his eyes, the action finally getting Sebastian to smile.

They’re quiet, sitting so long that a new cold front comes in, fresh snow starting to fall overhead.

“Let’s go home,” Sebastian says softly, and Blaine merely nods, standing up and offering the other man his hand.

_**And autumn comes when you're not yet done**  
 **With the summer passing by, but**  
 **I don't think I could stand to be**  
 **Where you don't see me** _

They’re silent most of the walk home, but it’s not fuming like that night in the taxi, it’s comfortable. There are still so many words to be said, apologies to be made, but there isn’t a doubt that they can get through this, not anymore.

Blaine shoots Rachel a text letting her know he’s gone home for the night as Sebastian unlocks the front door to their building. She immediately responds with a plethora of heart emojis which make him chuckle lightly before looking up to find Sebastian holding the door open with a warm smile on his face.

It feels a bit weird to be walking these halls after nearly a month, to be taking this elevator, but once they’re inside the walls of their own apartment, all Blaine feels is home, stepping in and taking a deep breath as he looks around at the place that had barely changed during his absence.

“Expected the place to be a wreck?” Sebastian chuckles softly from behind, closing the door once they are both fully inside.

Blaine shakes his head, turning to give his boyfriend a smile when a scrawled sheet of paper atop their shared desk piques his interest. He walks up, hearing the way Sebastian takes a quick inhale as Blaine reads the scratched out “Dear Blaine,” written across the otherwise blank sheet.

“What’s this?” He asks without turning around, running a gentle hand across the dried ink.

“I, uh, well, there was one night I decided to write you a letter,” Sebastian says softly from behind, “Obviously I didn’t get very far,” He chuckles lowly, “But uh, I was pretty drunk, so.”

Fresh tears tickle Blaine’s eyes as he continues to look down at the sheet, a broken, “I’m so sorry,” breathed from his lips.

Sebastian sighs, stepping forward to slip both of his arms around Blaine’s waist as the other starts to cry once more, “It’s okay,” He hushes, pressing a soothing batch of kisses to Blaine’s neck, just below his ear, “You already apologized, and I have just as much to be sorry for,” He insists, but Blaine shakes his head, turning in his arms.

“I was worse. I started it all, I—”

“Blaine,” Sebastian stops, lifting one hand to cup the shorter man’s cheek, “We’re going to figure this out, okay?”

Blaine swallows and gives a hesitant nod, chewing the inside of his cheek before quietly admitting, “I was worried you might miss my opening night,” The words making Sebastian frown.

“Even if…even if we didn’t see each other tonight, I would have been there. You know that.”

Blaine nods, letting out a small hiccup, “I know.”

With a small smile and delicate hands, Sebastian pulls Blaine with him to the sofa, settling them both down, knee to knee, thigh to thigh, as he keeps one warm arm wrapped around Blaine’s waist. They are still bundled up in their coats, and soon enough they will be too warm in the heat of the apartment, but at the present, all either man can be worried about is the other.

“No more doubting each other, all right?” Sebastian insists, pressing a light kiss to the corner of Blaine’s mouth. The tears have now gone, replaced by warmth in his eyes as he returns Sebastian’s kiss but instead to his lips.

“No more doubts,” Blaine parrots before arching his body and wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck, kissing him soundly and desperately.

They quickly make work of stripping the other, fast hands undoing buttons and zippers, tugging off shirts and slacks until their clothes are all heaped on the floor and their naked bodies are flushed against each other, Blaine laid out beneath Sebastian across their couch.

“I’ve fucking missed you,” Sebastian groans, rocking his hips forward so their dicks rub together in perfect frottage.

“You have no idea,” Blaine breaths back, clawing both hands against the other’s back and pulling him down for another kiss as they move together, deep moans and high whimpers filling the room as they take each other to the purest of pleasure.

After, they lie together perfectly satiated, Blaine’s head pillowed on Sebastian’s chest, and Sebastian’s arms warmly wrapped around him, Blaine is the first to speak, “So, the ring…”

Sebastian tenses beneath, voice hoarse, “Oh yeah, I guess you should have that back.”

“It was meant for you,” Blaine hums softly, drawing delicate patterns across Sebastian’s skin with the tip of his finger.

“I don’t want it,” Sebastian says softly, causing Blaine to tense this time in his arms.

“Why—”

“I only want it—” Sebastian licks his lips, lifting one hand to run gently through Blaine’s unruly black curls, “I only want it if you ask me. If I deserve it to have it.”

Blaine huffs at the words, “Of course you deserve it,” pulling away just enough to lift his head and meet Sebastian’s eyes, “If anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve your ‘yes.’”

“That’s not true, B.”

“I started all of this mess,” Blaine insists, eyes blazing as he presses a soft kiss to Sebastian’s brow, “I love you, and I know you love me. I should never have questioned that.”

Sebastian smiles, “We’re together, now. That’s all that matters.”

“Always,” Blaine smiles back, settling back down in Sebastian’s arms, “I was going to take you to the park just before Christmas next week,” He says softly.

“Hmm?” Sebastian hums in question.

“To propose,” Blaine clarifies, “I was going to take you to dinner, maybe go ice skating after. It was all going to be very romantic,” Blaine sighs, head nestled just above Sebastian’s heart.

“Sounds like it,” Sebastian chuckles before going quiet, biting his lip before letting his curiosity get the better of him, “And what would you have said?”

Blaine pauses, thinking back to the ring buried deep in Sebastian’s coat pocket less than a foot away on the floor before slipping off the couch, earning a small whine from his boyfriend who he quietly shushes as he grabs the coat and digs around for the box.

He’s aware that they are both completely naked and this is entirely silly, but that also makes it entirely fitting for them. Their relationship has never been built on big gestures or perfection, but on the quiet moments, the every day, the laughter, and the love. So with no pause or regret, Blaine gets down on one knee right there in their living room, opening up the box as Sebastian slowly sits up, eyes wide.

“I would have said that you, Sebastian Smythe, are the most frustratingly beautiful, kind, and caring man I have ever met and that I love the way you don’t let anyone know just how warm your heart truly is because then it’s like it is all just for me.” Blaine starts in earnest, watching Sebastian’s unreadable face with a nervous rumbling in his stomach.

“And that might make me selfish, but I don’t really care. I’ll always be selfish when it comes to having you, because you’re the most amazing thing to ever come into my life, and I never, ever, want to be without you,” His smile only slightly faltering as he adds, “These past few weeks only further solidified that.”

Sebastian’s attention is unwavering as Blaine goes on, “There is no one out there as right for me as you, and I would be a damn fool to ever let you slip away,” and Blaine thinks he might see the smallest hint of a smile start to creep up on his boyfriend’s face.

“In my heart, I know you feel the same way about me—we fit better than anyone I’ve ever known, and I refuse to imagine my life without you in it,” He says with a steady nod, his smile spreading into one so wide, he can barely contain it, “So, Sebastian Smythe, will make this thing forever and marry me?”

“That’s a pretty good speech,” Sebastian chokes out after a moment of silence, his second batch of tears of the night is threatening to spill—but this time, they are filled with nothing but love and awe, with a smile to match.

Blaine purses his lips, “Did it work?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian nods shakily, clearing his throat and smiling wide, “Yes,” reaching out to pull Blaine in for a kiss, the other man pulling away just to slip the ring onto Sebastian’s finger before rejoining their lips.

“Jesus, we’re fucking naked,” Sebastian chuckles against Blaine’s mouth, the shorter man letting a giddy laugh at the revelation.

“I had thought about it for a split second and decided I didn’t care. I just needed to be engaged to you already,” Blaine giggles.

“Well, it will certainly give us a story to tell,” Sebastian laughs, tugging Blaine into his lap, running two warm hands down his _fiancé’s_ back to the swell of his ass, the cool metal of the ring standing out against Blaine’s skin.

Sebastian’s grin softens into something quieter, more serious as he pauses the kiss he was about to give Blaine, “Promise me we’ll never fight again—unless it’s over what movie to watch or something equally silly.”

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i'm over at glitzgustin on tumblr if you want to send in prompts, cry over seblaine, or simply say hey <3


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